Ruby Goes to Taco Bell
by Cathari Sarad
Summary: After getting a strange craving for Mexican food, Ruby ventures off to a restaurant smack-dab in the middle of the Emerald Forest. But soon, Ruby finds out that not everything is what it seems. When Good Food Goes Bad: Can Ruby survive the ensuing flux that comes from eating a burrito made with expired meat?
1. Ruby Goes to Taco Bell

**A/N: Hai peoples! I wrote this story because of reasons, and I'm not even sure if it's the right rating. This fic is loosely inspired by _Dipper Goes to Taco Bell_ , but I'm not sure who the original author of that story is. You can find the fic in other places, but you'll probably try gouging your eyes out if you read/listen to it. Also this story contains poop jokes and ooc, so just be aware of that.**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own RWBY, or anything else for that matter.**

* * *

"So anyway," said Ruby, "I just figured I'd tell you that I'm going to go to the Taco Bell that's located randomly in the middle of the Emerald forest cause I've got this weird craving for Mexican food right now."

"Okay…"

"And I wanted to tell you just so you'd know where I'm going to be for the next couple of hours, so there's no need to worry about me!"

"Just one question."

"Okay, what's that?"

"How in the world did you break into our main headquarters?" exclaimed Adam.

Although they weren't there a minute before, several White Fang goons were now surrounding Ruby, many of which she had knocked out only a minute before.

"Okay, gotta go! Bye!" And with that statement, Ruby made her grand escape.

* * *

With the White Fang's armored truck hot on her tail, Ruby swerved through the streets of Vale on the motorcycle she had stolen from her older sister. Considering she had never driven a motorcycle in her life before, or the fact she had no knowledge of Vale's traffic safety laws, she was doing surprisingly well for a first-time driver. She had only run into five pedestrians this afternoon, and she had caused only one major car crash, resulting in only two fatalities. Aside from the front end being bent in when Ruby drove Yang's vehicle off Beacon's cliffs and a few scratches here and there, the motorcycle was holding up pretty well, even if it was puttering black smoke out the back end.

"Get back here you!"

As Ruby made her way back to the academy, she couldn't help but contemplate the meaning of her own existence in life. _Why are we here? Are we just insignificant specks in the endless vastness of space? Do those specks taste like cookies? Are we made out of cookies? Life is full of endless mysteries._

Soon, Ruby was driving straight up Beacon's cliffs, trying to dodge the incoming bullets from the White Fang goons. She couldn't remember why she had visited Adam Taurus in the first place, but she figured she needed someone to talk to, even though her teammates literally lived in the same room as her.

Because of the motorcycle's superior traction, Ruby was able to leave the White Fang's armored truck in the dust. She then circled around the Beacon campus, until she found herself right before the cliffs where she had once had her entrance examination.

Once there, she backed up the bike just a few yards away.

 _ **-VROOM!-VROOM!-**_

"I'm going to have me some authentic Mexican cuisine tonight! AWWW YEAAAAAAH!"

Right then and there, Ruby donned the sunglasses she had borrowed from her sister without her permission, and sped Yang's precious Bumblebee straight off the cliff.

"This is the greatest thing ever!"

Mid-flight, Ruby back-flipped off Yang's motorcycle and brought out her Crescent Rose. As she shifted her weapon into its rifle form, she watched Bumblebee descend to the ground, keeping her sights trained on it.

 _ **-KABOOM!-**_

The explosion that came from the combusted dust within Yang's motorcycle shot Ruby back into the sky with far more force than could be achieved by her own weapon.

"EXPLOSIONS!" Ruby could only shout in excitement as she spun through the air. Though much of the surrounding area had been blurred by her rotational speed, she could vaguely make out the fire that was now spreading throughout the forest, along with the panicked cries of nearby Grimm.

Of course, when the crimsonette got close to the ground, she was able to quickly adjust her own rotational inertia and speed with a few choice bursts from her signature scythe. After she adjusted her trajectory and took out a few nearby Grimm, she landed on a smooth boulder jutting out of the landscape with elegant grace.

"That was awesome! I gotta ask my sister to buy some more of those motorcycles so I can do that again and again! Now, where is that place?"

To her surprise, her destination was just a few hundred feet or so ahead, complete with a lit-up sign and an empty parking lot. In fact, it didn't look like there was anyone inside, but that just meant there would be more greasy fast food for her.

"Wow, I can't believe I got here so quickly! Gee, I sure can't wait to have some authentic Mexican food. Even though its right in the middle of the woods and doesn't have any people in it, this place seems like a totally safe and legitimate establishment. It's not like this place is run by crazy people who want to kill me and grind my guts into taco meat."

Ruby stepped on straight inside, where she saw what was clearly a cardboard cutout of Professor Peter Port behind the counter.

"Professor Port, I didn't know you worked here."

A hand with googly eyes and a mustache glued on sprouted out of Professor Port's left shoulder. "Oh, hey there Ruby!" said a voice in a high falsetto. "It's me, Professor Peter Port! I'm definitely not a crazy psychopath who wants to murder you in your sleep and grind your bones into taco meat. No, definitely not! Anyway, welcome to Taco Bell! May I take your order?"

"Well, strange talking hand that I don't recognize, you don't sound like my teacher, but I can tell that you're a trustworthy individual. Hmm… Let's see… What do I want to order?" She took a look at the menu hanging overhead. "The Cheesy Double Beef Burrito looks good. It's even made with real, authentic human flesh. I'll have one of those, Professor!"

"Excellent! Muahahahahaha!" The talking hand reeled back. Two more hands sprouted out from behind the cutout and began typing on the cash register nearby.

"That laughter totally didn't sound suspicious at all!"

"Okay, that'll be seventeen dollars and ninety-five cents."

"That sounds like a total steal! I'll take it!" Ruby whipped out twenty bucks and paid for her significantly overpriced food. After one of the hands retrieved the money, they retreated behind the cutout of Peter Port before acquiring the necessary change along with a burrito that had been sitting in a cabinet behind the counter.

After receiving her food, Ruby said, "Wow, Professor Port! That sure was fast! I guess that's why they call it fast food!"

The girl took her weeks-old burrito and sat over in one of the booths. As she opened up the wrapping, she couldn't help but notice a few eyeballs looking back at her. "Wow, this really is authentic Mexican food!" She quickly gobbled the whole thing down like she was eating from a fresh plate of chocolate chip cookies.

And then her stomach began to rumble, and she felt like she had to go poo. "Oh noes!" said Ruby. "I has the diarrhea and now I have to go to the bathroom!"

Ruby zipped over to the entrance to the girl's bathroom and burst it down using her gun-scythe. The inside of the restroom was surprisingly clean and sparkling, as if it had been cleaned only seconds ago, and the air smelled like fresh roses.

"Wow! They must clean this place every day to keep out the stench of the dead bodies."

The crimsonette leisurely passed by the row of urinals to her left and stepped into one of the open stalls. The stall's interior was clean as well, aside from the obscene, pen-marked graffiti that lined the teal-green walls. It was so clean that the managers didn't even bother to provide seat covers, because that was how clean the toilet seat was.

"Even the poop here smells like roses!" Ruby remarked as she pushed a button to flush down the red-streaked turd still sitting in the toilet. There wasn't anything inherently arousing or alluring about the scent; Ruby Rose certainly wasn't one of those degenerate, depraved individuals who gave in to acts of indecency whenever they smelled their own doo-doo.

After turning around to lock the door, she finally sat down, feeling a few trickles of water that had jumped onto the seat during the flush.

Now, Ruby tried her hardest to expel her own poop. She tried and she tried, breathing in and out as she tightened her stomach to let the poop out. But it just wouldn't come out. The poop was stuck inside her.

"Help! My poop is stuck! I feel like I have to go to the bathroom but my poop won't come out because I have diarrhea!" exclaimed Ruby.

Her stomach growled and rumbled. With every few seconds that passed, the girl let out another wet, burrito fart, whose strawberry scent lingered through the air. Maybe if she hadn't eaten that burrito which had been made with raw human flesh, she wouldn't be having diarrhea right now.

But what could she do now? She couldn't bear another minute as she quivered in diarrhea-induced constipation.

So Ruby did the only thing she could do.

She prayed to Shrek.

Clasping her hands tight and close, Ruby began praying to that muscular, green ogre so he could help her get the poopies out. She prayed harder and harder, hoping that Shrek would come and save her.

Even though Ruby was asexual, Ruby loved Shrek from the very bottom of her heart. Every morning when she woke up, she would think about Shrek and start praying to him whenever Weiss was acting all tsundere with her. She often thought about how smooth and delicate Shrek's pinkie-toes were, and how she wanted to nibble them all up. One day when she got older, Ruby would buy a gallon full of Shrek's world-famous onion juice and drink it all up, because that was how much Ruby was in love with Shrek.

As the scythe-wielder heaved and hurled in her seat, she continued to pray, bearing through the pain of the poop stuck inside her. And then, everything just washed away. In a moment of release, Ruby felt Shrek's divine grace blow over her, and a heavenly light glowed throughout the bathroom stalls.

But then, Ruby realized that something was amiss. "Oh no!"

Ruby had forgotten to pull down her stockings and underwear while she was going to the bathroom, so now her wet poop was sticking to the inside of her pajama-pants.

"What do I do? What do I do?"

In a panic, Ruby ran around and around in the stall. There was no more toilet paper left in the dispenser, and the girl didn't want to go out in public in case someone tried to take a whiff of her doo-doo. Even through her own panicked screams, she could also hear the faint humming of orchestral strings deep through the floor, meaning there were rich people nearby. She especially didn't want to go out of the stall now that she knew there was a fancy dinner party outside. Not even Pooh-bear could see her like this.

Ruby sat back down on the seat and began to cry. "This is hopeless! I can't go back to Beacon like this!"

But then, Ruby had an idea.

The girl stood back up, lowered her trousers and pants, and scooped up some of the liquid poo with her right hand before dumping it into the toilet. "I'm a genius!"

Scoop by scoop, Ruby began dumping the poop back into the toilet. Although she wouldn't fully be able to get rid of the stench, this would significantly reduce the stench's potency, allowing her enough time to get some toilet paper and wash her clothes.

But just as she got midway through cleaning herself, Ruby felt a hand grab hold of her arm as she reached her hand over the toilet.

"Hello there, young lady! Would you like some help with that?"

"SOMEBODY HELP! THE EVIL MONSTER HAS COME TO KILL ME!"

Ruby's cries rang throughout the restaurant's interior, but none of her friends would come to rescue her. The killer had taken significant precaution and effort to ensure that the walls of the authentic Mexican fast food restaurant were soundproof, so that no one would hear the young girl's screams. Such events and tragedies are unfortunately common when one wanders too far in the dark depths of the Emerald Forest. Let us hope that no one else will be so foolhardy as Ruby lest someone else fall prey to the killer's foul, twisted designs.


	2. Pyrrha Eats a Big Mac Daddy

"Ugh, I can't believe my family disowned me!"

The heiress slammed her tray as she sat on the table right beside Yang. Her eyes were completely bloodshot, and her cheeks were red like roses. A trickle of blood dripped its way down Weiss's right nostril just next to a caked layer of powdery white substance. Her overall attire left much to be desired, considering there were splotches of blood, powder, dust, and dirt all over it.

As Pyrrha observed her four friends sitting next to her, she leaned forward to take a bite out of her nice, juicy Big Mac from McDonalds. Considering she was a pro-star athlete, she could afford to eat eight times as many cheeseburgers as everyone else without incurring indigestion. Plus, she needed to eat that many McDonalds cheeseburgers so she could make her butt grow fat and get Jaune-sempai to ask her out on a date. The radio station said that men liked big butts, so maybe Jaune too would appreciate her more if she emphasized her own features.

Pyrrha liked big butts. Thats why she always crept on top of Jaune-sempai every night and touched his warm butt cheeks with her clean, Spartan hands. It always made her feel warm and cuddly inside.

Blake, who was sitting right next to the champion of Mistral, folded her arms in a sense of smug superiority, "Look at how the mighty has fallen."

"SHUT UP!" shouted Weiss. She leaned over and pulled a large, silver canteen out from under her dress, and chugged down its contents. It didn't take a tactical genius to figure out that the canteen had alcohol in it. "AW YEAAAAAH! THIS STUFF IS THE BEST!" The heiress threw the canteen into the table, causing its contents to spill out.

"Uh, Weiss," said Jaune. "Maybe you should stop…"

"SHUT UP, YOU DOLT!" Pyrrha instinctively ducked when Weiss reached for Myrtenaster, but Yang managed to grab hold of her arm. "GET OUT OF MY WAY! I NEED TO TEACH THIS STUPID DUSTING DUNCE A LESSON!"

"Sorry Weiss," said Yang, "but this is for your own good."

"You really need to lay down on the alcohol." Blake added. She was a cat.

"SHUT UP, ALL OF YOU! I'M NOT DRUNK! I JUST HAVE A NATURALLY OUTGOING PERSONALITY!" Weiss fell face down into the table, and then hiccuped.

"Way to go, Snow Angel," Jaune commented. Jaune-sempai's crush on Weiss was obvious even to someone like Pyrrha, but now that Weiss was an alcoholic wreck, his feelings for her were lessening day by day. Naturally, all of his love and sexiness would gradually gravitate to Pyrrha. _And then he will be mine forever._

But even in the midst of Pyrrha's daydreaming about Jaune-sempai, he wasn't the only thing on her mind. She turned to Yang and asked, "So, uh, any news on Ruby?"

"Not a thing. I'm still mad that she stole my Bumblebee, but I just hope she comes back." Ruby had gone out sometime last night and had never come back. She said something about having a craving for Mexican food, but Pyrrha didn't know of any restaurants in Vale that served that type of cuisine. In any case, the police couldn't find her, so it was up to teams RWBY and JNPR to find her, though some members were a bit incapacitated at the moment.

Blake shook her head, "The police are useless, as usual, and the professors don't know anything either."

"Yeah," nodded Pyrrha. So far, no one had heard anything about Ruby, and Ozpin seemed to have gone missing as well. She couldn't say for sure whether it was because he was hiding or whether something had gotten him.

After half a minute of silence, Yang turned to her. "So… how's Nora holding up?"

"Still under the weather," the Spartan replied. Ever since last Thursday, Nora has been sick with a high fever. She already took a visit to the doctors, and they've been taking care of her ever since. Ren has been visiting her in the hospital every once in the while; that was why he wasn't there dining with them. When Pyrrha last spoke with him, he said that Nora's been coughing up blood. She just hoped it wasn't too serious.

"Man, I just hope she gets better soon," said Jaune. He was always caring and considerate about other people. Why couldn't he direct his consideration towards her instead of all those other girls?

Right around then, Sun walked by around Blake and Pyrrha.

"Sup, Sun," waved Yang.

Sun scratched his head. "Yo, have any of you seen my DVDs?"

"WHY IN DUST DO YOU THINK WE'VE SEEN YOUR STUPID DVDS? NOBODY GIVES A DUSTING CRAP! YOU'RE… YOU'RE… A STUPID DUNCE! AHAHAHAHA!" Weiss slammed her fist on the table, because she was laughing.

"Is she…"

Everyone else nodded in the affirmative.

"WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE? I'M NOT DRUNK! I AM THE HEIRESS TO THE SCHNEE FAMILY DUST COMPANY! WHY WON'T PEOPLE LISTEN TO WHAT I HAVE TO SAY?"

"Dude, you…"

"SHUUUUT UP!" She threw one of the metal forks at Sun, who swiftly dodged it. "I'm… I'm going to take my meds."

Weiss pulled out a plastic baggie with a white, powdery substance.

"Is that…"

"IT'S POWDERED SUGAR, DUNCE!" She was about to raise the bag up to her bloody nose, but then she suddenly stood up. "I'm just going to use the restroom for a second." And like that, she was off.

"Well," commented Blake, "that was something."

"Shouldn't we be worried for her?" said Jaune.

"Man," remarked Sun. "there's been some weird stuff happening lately. Ruby and Ozpin are gone, my DVDs are missing, and Weiss is acting, well, like that. And then there was that incident over in the mall."

"Speaking of which," said Blake, "would you happen to know anything about Ruby's disappearance?"

"Nah, though I did see her getting chased by the White Fang the other night. They looked pissed."

"Well, that's useful."

Jaune-sempai suddenly stood up. "Excuse me guys, I've gotta go take a whiz for a second." Pyrrha wanted to go after him so she could watch him while he went poo, but then she remembered that she'd get in trouble for that. _Too bad I_ _'m not rich enough to afford a camera. Maybe I can ask Weiss for some money so I can spy on Jaune-sempai._

Then, her stomach rumbled. Everyone else looked at her immediately.

Yang cringed. "You okay, Pyrrha?"

"Jesus, girl, how many of those things do you eat?" asked Sun.

"I… I gotta use the restroom." The champion of Mistral quickly stood up and rushed out of the cafeteria. When she got into the hall, she quickly passed by Jaune, considering her own farts allowed her to run faster than the naked eye could see. The girl's bathroom was all the way at the far end of the hall, right next to the door leading out back into the main campus.

Once inside, she saw Weiss standing over by one of the mirrors, powdering her nose. The girl was laughing at her own reflection, holding onto the puke-filled sink for stability. "AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" she said. Even someone like Pyrrha could see that the former Schnee heiress was seriously drunk.

The Spartan warrior walked into one of the empty stalls, passing by the heaps of Weiss's poo next to the urinals. She turned around, locked the stall, and laid the last remaining seat cover onto the seat.

 _ **-PLOOP!-**_

Within the blink of an eye, all of Pyrrha's doo-doo from eating eighteen McDonald's hamburgers started going out like a dozen White Castle sliders ground up into diarrhea. Pyrrha had remembered to pull down her underwear before she pooped, because she wasn't a stupid dunce-head like Ruby was.

She didn't even need to pray to Shrek, because she had absolutely no idea who that guy was. It didn't really matter anyway, because Shrek was dreck.

"Ah, that was such a relief!" Pyrrha said when she let out the last bit of poo. It made her think of Jaune-sempai.

"SHUT UP, DOLT! CAN'T YOU JUST LET ME HAVE DUST IN PEACE? UGH! IDIOTS!" Pyrrha heard loud footsteps as Weiss stomped out of the girl's bathroom.

Pyrrha leaned forward to reach for the dispenser, but she soon found that it was out of toilet paper.

"Well, it looks like I'll have to improvise."

So Pyrrha reached down with her right hand and wiped the sticky poo off. When she reached her hand up to her face, the tips of her three middle fingers were covered in liquid, yellowish-brown poop.

It smelled real good, like fresh barbecue ribs straight off the grill.

So she put her fingers into her mouth and started licking them. They tasted really good, like freshly cooked onions.

She reached her hand down into the toilet, letting her fingers soak up the soggy wetness of the toilet's pristine-clean water mixed with her own greasy, liquid poopies. She scooped up some of the dirty water and poured it into her mouth. When her dry tongue tasted her own crud, she felt a surge of happiness well up from within.

It was like Jaune-sempai was inside her.

Pyrrha thought about doing other things with the poo, but then she remembered that this story was rated T and the TV networks can't show the kind of stuff that goes on between Mommy and Daddy when buy brothers and sisters from the evil stork-man, even though most people would be grossed out if they saw their favorite characters playing with their own doodies. So, seeing that she couldn't do much else with her own poop, Pyrrha was simply content with drinking her own muddy elixir.

But then an idea came to her. What did Jaune-sempai's poop taste like?

The Spartan girl stood up from her seat, spun around, and performed a spinning back kick to the door.

 _ **-RIIIIP!-**_

"Well, that's unfortunate…" Because she had forgotten to pull up her pants when she did the kick, her underwear was now in remnants all over the floor. She didn't have any time to think about that, though. She had more important things to take care of.

 _I need Jaune-sempai_ _'s poo inside of me._

Forgetting to flush the toilet, Pyrrha rushed out of girl's bathroom faster than a blue hedgehog. Some of the poop was now dripping onto the floor, since she didn't wipe herself off completely.

Neptune passed by on her left, dressed in his most fashionable attire. He waved. "Hi Pyrrha how's it…"

But when he looked at Pyrrha, he instantly turned to the wall and puked all his dinner out. She also passed by Sky Lark, and he too threw up when he saw the Spartan girl. As she ran down the hall, she heard their cries of pain and agony, but she had no time to think about that.

 _Jaune-sempai. We must become one. I must have you inside me._

She drew out her spear and broke down the door to the boy's bathroom. She would probably have to pay the school for property damages, but she didn't have time to think about that.

"Jaune-sempai!"

Although Pyrrha didn't see anyone else in the boy's bathroom, one of the stalls was closed. When she peeked under the low-hanging door, she could see Jaune's pants and shoes dangling underneath.

"I'm coming for you, my future husband!"

Without any regard to the rules she was breaking, the undefeated Spartan warrior kicked down the stall door once more. But, much to her dismay, the person inside the bathroom stall was not her beloved Jaune-sempai.

It was the killer.

"Good evening, madame! How would you like some fine caviar for tonight's dinner?"

Later that night, the students of Beacon found the stall where Pyrrha met the killer covered in feces. A couple of students said they saw Pyrrha enter the boy's bathroom, but no one ever saw her come out. Nobody heard her scream either, as she was tough enough to endure whatever sinister designs the killer had for her. The remaining members of teams RWBY and JNPR investigated the scene of the crime, but they could find nothing but piles and piles of doo-doo. Pyrrha's body was nowhere to be found either.

Whatever the circumstances, it was clear to everyone there that they were in a mess way over their heads. Still, even though none of them had any idea what was going on, two questions lurked on everyone's minds. Who was the killer, and more importantly, who among them would be next to fall victim to the killer's insane, twisted designs?


	3. Weiss Eats a Ruby-Flavored Quesadilla

"You sure this is the place?"

"Yeah, I don't see why anyone would build a fast food restaurant right in the middle of the Emerald Forest."

Blake had a brief look around the joint. Aside from a few upturned tables, the creepy cutout of Professor Peter Port, and copious amounts of dust bunnies, the place looked like an ordinary fast food joint. The only reason they were able to find the place was by an accidental slip-up from Adam Taurus. Blake didn't even know such a place existed until today, and somehow she had found it just an hour after having heard its name.

In all likelihood, Ruby was already dead, but hopefully they would find some clues here. She just hoped they would be able to save Pyrrha in time.

"I needs… to find Ruby! -Hic!- Precious…!" Weiss definitely wasn't taking her loss of inheritance well. At all.

The substance abuse was just the start of it. Ever since a few days ago, the former heiress had become increasingly insane and belligerent. Furthermore, Weiss had started becoming ever more vocal in her fantasies about their team leader, Ruby. Blake would rather not have to think about such things, but her mutterings have become increasingly lewd and explicit. Last night, in fact, Weiss had been dreaming about her teammate in her sleep, so much that it woke Jaune and Ren up. Her finer sense of hearing from her Faunus heritage didn't help matters at all.

Heck, Blake was beginning to think about Ruby.

"White Rose…"

Sun, who had tagged along with them, backed away from the addled heiress and into one of the back counters. He looked like he had seen a ghost, though Blake couldn't blame him after listening to Weiss speak for the last couple days.

Blake walked up to the men's bathroom door. Seeing as that was where people last saw Pyrrha back at Beacon, she figured that they might find some more information there as well. She tugged on the handle. Locked.

Blake turned across the room. "Yang, you find anything over there yet?"

Her partner seemed to be having the same issues, "This one's locked as well."

"So much for that." They could probably try busting the doors down, but they might as well look around the rest of the place while they were at it.

Blake circled back around to the front counter and looked up at the menu. "Huh, made with real, authentic human flesh. Can't believe they'd advertise something like that." Blake could understand the sort of underlying hatred that humankind had for Faunus folk, but this? This had to be some kind of sick joke.

Since when were serial killers known for indulging in potty humor?

Blake's eyes turned to Yang. "Well, let's see if…"

"Heyyyy, wassup ladies? How's it going?"

There, standing in the doorway, was the nefarious criminal and professional ladykiller, Roman Torchwick.

"You…" Blake growled. "What are you doing here?"

"Well… I'm kind of in a bit of a jam right now. The thing is, one of my coworkers has gone missing recently and…"

"You mean that pink-haired girl with the umbrella?" said Blake's partner.

"That's the one. Now… I know we're not exactly friends and all, but have you girls found anything?"

Blake folded her arms together. "Why should we tell you anything?" _Especially with a man who looks down on Faunus like you!_

"Can I get some chicken quesadillas?" she heard Weiss say over by the counter.

The sharply dressed criminal simply shrugged. "Well, kitty-cat, I don't really have a good answer to that. So… who's that behind the counter?" Roman gestured his cane toward Weiss.

"Huh?" When Blake turned to look, Weiss had retrieved a greasy white bag from atop the counter.

"Yes! Now, as soon as I am done eating this authentic Mexican food made from Ruby's thighs, Ruby will be inside me and for all. FUAHAHAHAHAHA!" After grabbing a bottle of ketchup, Weiss rushed over to one of the open booths and began chowing down on her greasy quesadilla.

"Man, what is up with your friend?" Roman asked.

"She's been acting like that lately," said Yang. "Just ignore her."

"We should probably keep an eye on her, to see if she does anything else," Sun remarked. "So, you guys find any sign of my DVDs?"

"Still nothing," said Blake. On the other hand, she did recall someone mentioning that Russel had been sneaking around the transfer dorms the other day.

"Yes!" shouted Weiss. "This ketchup must be made from Ruby's virgin blood! I must have it! AHAHAHAHA!" She started squirting it all over her dish, splattering it all over the table. "WHITE ROSE! WHITE ROSE! WHITE ROSE!"

Sun cringed at the sight. "Jesus, man."

"You guys need a freaking exorcist," said Roman.

"WHITE ROSE! WHITE ROSE! WHITE ROSE! WHITE… Uh… Bathroom!" After making a loud farting sound, Weiss Schnee rushed into the girl's bathroom, bringing the ketchup bottle with her.

"Uh… okay," said Sun.

"Well," said Blake, "I guess it's open now. Lets just keep an eye on her." She slowly crept over to the door and pulled down on the handle. Locked. "Okay?"

"Why did it only open for her?" wondered Yang.

"Well well well, it looks like we're going to have to break that door down!" Roman began to lift his cane up, but Blake slapped him before he could do anything. "Ow! What was that for?"

"Pervert," muttered Blake. As much as she needed to check if Weiss was alright, she did not want someone like Roman sneaking in a dirty one-liner or catching a whiff of Weiss's panties.

"Hold on, let me give it a shot." The blonde bruiser stepped past the three of them, and pulled her fist back.

 _ **-WHAM!-**_

The door didn't budge an inch.

"Why does this door even lock anyway?" Blake remembered seeing at least three stalls when Weiss ran into the bathroom, so there was no reason the outer door should lock. It didn't even look like it had a locking mechanism anyway.

"OH FREAKING DUST, RUBY! YOU TASTE SO DELICIOUS! I'M GOING TO EAT YOU ALL UP! UAHAHAHAHAHA! -Hic!- WHITE ROSE!"

"I don't even want to know what's going on in there," muttered Blake, backing away from the door.

"You guys just stand there, I'm going to have a look around." After stepping away, Sun leaped over the main counter and tipped over the cutout of Professor Port. "Well, there's nothing here. Tell me if you see anything."

"Sure thing," said Yang. "Let's try this again."

 _ **-WHAM!-**_

"OH YES, RUBY! I WANT YOU INSIDE ME! YES! YOUR BLOOD AND HUMAN FLESH WILL BE MIXED WITH MY DELICIOUS TURDS! MMMMMMMMMMM! YES, WITH YOUR VIRGIN BLOOD AND MY POO-POO INSIDE MY TUMMY, WE SHALL FINALLY BE TOGETHER AS ONE! UAHAHAHAHA!"

"Oh my…" Roman instantly dropped his cane and retched his dinner all over the floor. "Oh god, why?"

Seeing Roman's puke all over the floor, Blake was starting to feel sick as well. She could handle taking down Grimm and common criminals, but this was something else entirely. The myriad sounds of licks, squirts, and Weiss's farts left very little to the imagination. _Please let this night just end._

Yang brought her fists up high and began slamming on the door.

 _ **-WHAM!-WHAM!-WHAM!-WHAM!-**_

"Weiss! Can you hear us? What is going on in there?"

And then there was silence.

"Weiss?"

Yang pulled down on the door handle, and it opened with ease.

"What the…?"

The inside of the girl's bathroom seemed to be relatively clean, as if it had been cleaned just recently. Blake couldn't help but notice there were urinals on the left side of the bathroom, but that peculiarity seemed normal compared to what she had just seen today.

Though, that image of cleanliness was shattered as soon as Blake saw the mess under the middle stall.

"Oh god." Roman's vomit was once more on the floor as he struggled to hold onto the door frame.

The mess underneath the third stall was comprised of a foul mixture of wet manure, ketchup, sweat, drool, and toilet water. The stench was nearly unbearable to Blake's enhanced sense of smell, but then again she had smelled worse back during her days in the ghetto.

There was also a large hole in the floor where the toilet should have been.

As Yang picked up the emptied ketchup bottle lying on the floor, Blake opened up the stall door and looked down into the deep black abyss below.

Roman crawled over to where the two girls were standing, holding his nose and covering his mouth. "Don't tell me, we have to go down in there."

"I'm afraid so," said Blake.

* * *

 **A/N: Hai peoples! Sorry if this took a while to pump out. I kinda got distracted by stuff. I kinda wanted this chapter to go on longer, but I figured this was a good cutoff point. Be sure to leave your comments and subscribe!**


End file.
